Back to Basics

Over three years ago, I was going through one of the hardest times of my life: the crumbling of a long-term relationship, the struggle to find and keep friends, and working an overnight shift. I was emotional, I was unhappy, and I was being torn apart emotionally by the one person I thought would always be on my side.

I realized quickly that I couldn't continue my life this way. I got rid of the guy, I made new friends, and I even moved to another state. California was where I lived my entire life. Three years later, here I am, in probably the hottest state in the country, Arizona. And now that I feel like I'm getting my life on track, the one thing I want to focus on more is my confidence. My weight has really put pressures on this. I find myself getting into the dating scene, easing into conversations with people, and then backing down. I'm afraid these new potential mates will say to me the same things my ex said to me about my weight. Some of the cruelest things you could ever say to someone about their weight was said to me. And I'm still living the fear of that rejection, that destruction of my heart, mind, and soul.

Recently, my friends asked me to join in a cleanse for JuicePlus+ called Transform 30. I did really well in it, losing 6 pounds over a course of a month. But after vacationing in Lake Tahoe with some of my friends, I quickly gained it back.

I vented to my friend, who recently made the same big move I did from our northern California city, to Arizona. I expressed my dissatisfaction with my health, my body, my self esteem. Together, we discussed an ultimate goal for me: what did I want to do with myself that would up the ante? What would it take to get me to the healthiest point in my life: body and spirit? I told her dropping 35 pounds would help me tremendously, and help to kick the ghosts haunting me: the destructive words of my ex, the impact it has on my dating life, and how much confidence I actually have.

I tend to get unmotivated quickly. I'm trying to find serious ways to help me close off the motivation leak, and actually hit my goals, rather than make strides and let the norm slide back in.

Here I am. Sunday evening. I've decided tomorrow is the day I bring myself to that place where I can look at myself in the mirror and be proud, feel the healthiest I've ever felt, and know I can go into my 30s with a smile. This isn't a diet: it's a life transformation. One I intend to keep forever.

Tomorrow begins the journey, and I'm sizing up single, by sizing down.

Margaret