The End Game

For reference, here's where I am right now in my weight.

I'm 165 lbs and just over 5'4.

Yup. I just told you the scary scale number. My heaviest was 170. I remember in college, stepping on the scale, seeing the number 152 flash across the screen, and crying. It only got worse from there.

So I'm putting it all out there.

Here is my "before" picture. Yikes. Be kind!

Week 1: The Formation

One week down, and many more profitable weeks to go!

This was going to be a tough week. I knew that going in. It wasn't just going to be taxing, to try and start a new journey to the end of the year. But it was also a very trying time with my work. It has been an emotional and rough few days, but nothing I couldn't overcome with a positive attitude.

So I hopped on a treadmill at least four times this week. I enlisted the help of my friend to go to a pilates class (which ended up being yoga instead) and get some steps in. I pushed myself more that I've pushed myself in the past, which is a good step in itself. It really helps to have made myself text and contact all the people I need to support me in this endeavor, in order to hold myself accountable. So that same friend, she and I had been texting each other after each workout, to make sure we actually did. Of course, there were a few sweaty selfies sent to ensure we broke a sweat!

Saturday morning, I decided it'd been enough time since my last weigh in to do a check in.

-4 lbs!

It is good to see progress on the scale. But another motivating thing is to see friends change and prosper too. A friend of mine just lost 14 pounds in 40 days! She's making big changes in her life, and really sticking to her guns. There's a lot to be said for that. She also has an office much like mine, which brings in food from all sorts of places, trying to entice you to break from your journey. But she's not having any of that crap, and isn't letting the allure of the sugar rush divert her from her goal.

Week 2 won't be so demanding at work, which is helpful as far as getting in some major sweat sessions.

Back to Basics

Over three years ago, I was going through one of the hardest times of my life: the crumbling of a long-term relationship, the struggle to find and keep friends, and working an overnight shift. I was emotional, I was unhappy, and I was being torn apart emotionally by the one person I thought would always be on my side.

I realized quickly that I couldn't continue my life this way. I got rid of the guy, I made new friends, and I even moved to another state. California was where I lived my entire life. Three years later, here I am, in probably the hottest state in the country, Arizona. And now that I feel like I'm getting my life on track, the one thing I want to focus on more is my confidence. My weight has really put pressures on this. I find myself getting into the dating scene, easing into conversations with people, and then backing down. I'm afraid these new potential mates will say to me the same things my ex said to me about my weight. Some of the cruelest things you could ever say to someone about their weight was said to me. And I'm still living the fear of that rejection, that destruction of my heart, mind, and soul.

Recently, my friends asked me to join in a cleanse for JuicePlus+ called Transform 30. I did really well in it, losing 6 pounds over a course of a month. But after vacationing in Lake Tahoe with some of my friends, I quickly gained it back.

I vented to my friend, who recently made the same big move I did from our northern California city, to Arizona. I expressed my dissatisfaction with my health, my body, my self esteem. Together, we discussed an ultimate goal for me: what did I want to do with myself that would up the ante? What would it take to get me to the healthiest point in my life: body and spirit? I told her dropping 35 pounds would help me tremendously, and help to kick the ghosts haunting me: the destructive words of my ex, the impact it has on my dating life, and how much confidence I actually have.

I tend to get unmotivated quickly. I'm trying to find serious ways to help me close off the motivation leak, and actually hit my goals, rather than make strides and let the norm slide back in.

Here I am. Sunday evening. I've decided tomorrow is the day I bring myself to that place where I can look at myself in the mirror and be proud, feel the healthiest I've ever felt, and know I can go into my 30s with a smile. This isn't a diet: it's a life transformation. One I intend to keep forever.

Tomorrow begins the journey, and I'm sizing up single, by sizing down.

Margaret